Member-only story
The Day I Almost Ended My Life
I felt so alone and uncertain about my future and could not see a way out.
I will never forget the date I almost ended my life. On August 16, 2009, I planned out my suicide and wrote my family goodbye letters.
I wrote one to my grandma, mom, and my five children. When it came time to write one to the child I was carrying, I froze.
I couldn't do it.
How could I end my life knowing that would kill my precious son, too?
I tried to write to my son, explaining why I felt I had to end my life. I expressed my love for him and his siblings. I couldn't do it anymore.
It didn't matter how many times I wrote the little to my unborn child; I couldn't get it right. I couldn't articulate my words to explain why I had to leave this world on August 16, 2009.
Why couldn't I wait?
If I didn't postpone my plans, I would leave this world as the worst mother alive.
These are thoughts that raced through my mind. I cradled my growing tummy. I talked to my son, begging him to help me hold on.
